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03-Sep-2016 19:26

My deck also offers a private hot tub, and I'm sitting in the bubbling water alone watching the sunset with a champagne flute when a muscular man and his penis walk by.I'm admiring it when he pivots toward me and asks if I would like to get dinner with him and his girl tonight?It's casual, like someone begging off because they're tired.I wish them well and, fortified with four to six strawberry daiquiris, I attend the resort's Tuesday-night theme party alone: the Bare As You Dare Glow Pool Party.After sitting still for around four minutes, I rip off my bikini bottoms quickly, like I'm about to pee behind a tree. I wade into the actual water, a turquoise sea that is partitioned off so people from nearby resorts can't make marathon snorkeling treks over to gawk.

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I figure it's the most vulnerable a human woman can possibly be.After a morning spent reading and snoozing and reading and snoozing, I realize that some of the other women here have even better ideas—I observe two separate women receiving cunnilingus. I walk back up to my patio for some water to find that my next-door neighbors are having sex on theirs, maybe 18 inches from my door.One couple is on a lounge chair about three over from mine, the guy kneeling in the sand to do the damn thing. They're standing in their hot tub, with the woman bent over the edge.A bemused "sure" falls out of my drowsy, sunburned face.

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Getting ready for this date resembles how I get ready for others: shower and blast Beyoncé and text my friends about what could go right and wrong. They met while in a threesome—he was dating her friend and she stole him away but all three people are cool now!

We also all have the same roll of fat below our belly buttons, provided by God and Darwin to protect the uterus, and it casts a shadow over our crotch.

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