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07-Feb-2017 23:50

What I want to do is change my drinking habits permanently. My therapist said I looked so sad at the thought of giving up drink entirely, the all or nothing rule that usually applies to tackling problem drinking, that he agreed to help me drink moderately.

I told my tale of woe to a colleague at my volunteer job who also works in a nearby addiction clinic. I didn’t think twice; I called my doctor for a referral, describing my drinking to her and told her that I wanted to ‘recalibrate’ myself. Settling back in a comfortable chair, I closed my eyes.

In fact, I’ve come near to being struck off the registers of my GP practices in the last three places I’ve lived because I visited them so rarely that they believed I’d left town.

You will refuse more,’ after telling me to imagine walking down ten steps to a place I love. What started out as social drinking has become anti-social drinking.Over the years, she says she has become one of those annoying people who can talk to anybody, anywhere, anytime, and who makes friends, even sober, with the ease that other people pick up fluff on their jumpers And at my age (I’m 58) I realise that when I get helplessly drunk in public, people no longer look at me with disapproval, which I’ve always got a kick out of, but with pity.The drink had caught up with me, rammed the glass slippers on my numb feet upon which they turned into the red shoes, whirling me away on a mad dance of drunkenness — except that makes it sound more exciting than it was. Whereas I like to own what I’ve done — one of the side-benefits of being a show-off.

I drank myself into a stupor, then took to my bed, having picked an argument with Dan and sulked monstrously. On the downside, it leaves one bereft of the usual excuses for being selfish hedonists.

I’ve never sneered at teetotallers but what I’ve done all of my drinking life is mock moderate drinkers, and now that’s what I’m aiming to become.